The Parenting Plan May End, but Co-Parenting Does Not
In Massachusetts, the custody landscape changes overnight when a child turns 18. Legally, your child is now an adult who can choose where and with whom to spend their time; the Court immediately loses the authority to enforce parenting schedules. Just because the legal obligation to split holidays and summers ends, the need for parental coordination does not, particularly for adult children who are still finishing high school, living at home while attending college, or returning home during college breaks. In fact, cooperation becomes even more critical to avoid putting your adult child in an awkward position.
The biggest hurdle for co-parents of adult children may be mindset, shifting from “court-ordered custody” to truly voluntary cooperation. Forcing exact splits of winter break, school vacation weeks, or summertime rarely works for adult children with jobs/internships, romantic relationships, friends, and hobbies, not to mention new-found autonomy from any previously-enforced schedule. You and your co-parent should expressly factor your adult child’s preferences into planning discussions, but, once you understand how your adult child views the situation, you should communicate directly with your co-parent, and avoid making your child the messenger. Agree on rough dates with your co-parent, and then present options to your adult child.
While the courts will not enforce parenting time for an adult child, having a written roadmap keeps both parents on the same page. You can even enter into a voluntary agreement with your co-parent to address things like:
- How early you must notify each other of intended trip dates that you would like your adult child to accompany you on;
- How travel costs for the adult child will be handled; and
- A commitment to not schedule conflicting major family events.
Coordinating matters involving an adult child, including time together, requires letting go of control and embracing flexibility. When parents collaborate smoothly, they take the pressure off of the child, allowing them to enjoy their young adulthood without feeling caught in the middle.
Categorized: Co-Parenting
Tagged In: co-parenting, custody
